ESTABLISHING POSITIVE BEHAVIOURS

COMMUNICATE

Children need to be taught how to be courteous, and how to apply positive behaviours. First, communicate expectations to them in clear terms. We can’t assume they know what to do if we don’t tell them.

In communicating the expectations, first clear about the expectations and believe in the expectations. Next, inform the children on what to do rather than what not to do.

For instance, if a child screams and shouts at his siblings, and all we do is to tell the child to stop screaming, this is definitely ineffective to establish positive behaviours. The right thing to do is tell the child to speak in a soothing voice.

In telling children to speak with a low voice, communicate the expectation by demonstration. Model the expectations for children to see; we can’t tell children to speak calmly or use their low voice, while we are doing something different. Note that, children will always imitate what they see not what they are told to do.

When communicating expectations be brief while explaining, especially for the younger children. You don’t want to be talking and your child just nods and you in turn keep asking, “Do you understand?” Use simple language and short sentences for easy comprehension.

Encourage children to always communicate what they want, if we don’t they may resort to physical means to express themselves. For example, a child might be obstructing the view of another child from seeing the board or an object, instead of informing the child obstructing him to move so he could see, he pushes him to communicate what he wants.

It is paramount children are allowed to freely express themselves. Don’t shut them down! If you do, it might lead to them getting into trouble and not behaving as expected.

Communicate and show children the right way to act, than to wait for them to misbehave. Communicate and set realistic expectations!

BE CONSISTENT

To assist children establish positive behaviours be consistent in words and actions.

If we have a ground rule that says,” Use positive words to address others” and a child uses a foul language, you address it accordingly. Then, another child uses that same foul language, you turned a blind eye to it. How do you think the children we feel?

Children learn more quickly and understand when the people around them are consistent with their expectations and responses, and when they are not. If we are not consistent with our expectations, we will confuse children with the different messages passed, giving room for manipulation.

They will also have the impressions that how they behave doesn’t really matter and that the adults do not always do what they say. Some children believe that difficult behaviour(s) sometimes bring reward. A child that gets what he wants whenever he cries, will definitely keep at it, as long as he knows the adult will give in.

Start early to stick to the rules, don’t fall victim of their manipulation. If we let our guards down it might take a much longer time managing behaviours in the future.

Being consistent doesn’t mean rigidity, just nipping it in the bud. Stick to the rules!

GIVE CHOICES

Giving children the freedom to choose will assist them to respond in more cooperative way and internalize behaviours than if they are just told what to do.

Always give a choice between at least two acceptable options. You can give a child the choice of playing video game first or doing his homework; go to bed at 8:30p.m. or 8:45p.m.

Also, Consequences can be given as a choice. When setting consequences involve the children. Ensure you follow through with the consequences meted out. Don’t make threats you won’t follow through with. Telling a child that he won’t be allowed to play games on the laptop ever again when he hits someone is an unrealistic consequence.

Think before you speak. Carefully give meaningful and manageable choices and consequences.

BOOST CONFIDENCE

Focus more on what children can do rather than what they are not doing. Comment on the positive step in the right direction, and then give them an opportunity to try, this will increase their confidence and the way they behave.

Don’t tell children they can’t do anything, negative labels might reinforce unacceptable behaviours. When children know that they will not get into trouble when they make mistakes, they feel more motivated. We need to accept mistakes as part of learning and motivate our children to keep trying.

Encourage them to do better rather than countering their self confidence.

CONNECT

Connecting with children will go a long way in establishing positive behaviours in them. When we connect with children, we will get additional insight about them and know their concerns.

In connecting with children, listen to them, give them complete attention, ask questions and try to understand their point of view.

Compliment them for the work they have done, this will definitely brighten their day. Even, a pat on the back or a hug can express what a thousand words cannot. Connect with children by demonstrating positive attitudes.

Ijeoma Edith Opah Montessori Traniner/Consultant

Montessori Trainer/Consultant